Battle to Date

 I will try to migrate my updates on the battle with pancreatic cancer here to blogger. Caring Bridge offers useful service, but seems somewhat misleading in how it solicits donations.  I will try to copy lots of old posts and then give today's update.

From my Caring Bridge posts:

January 24, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 24, 2021

Dear friends,

Thank you to all of you for your love, prayers, and support. It has been good to be with family these last few days. My GI tract still has some rough moments with all the antibiotics I am taking to fully clear any remnants of sepsis. I will be on this regime for another week and a half. Please do pray that I can get the nutrition I need. I am eating well and we are experimenting with recipes that work with the sensitive GI tract. I am taking enzymes to compensate for the lack of enzymes from the pancreas and biliary system, but it seems they are a far cry from the effectiveness of my body's own digestive enzymes. Thankfully my weight seems fairly stable, even though it is 10kg below my usual weight. 

My biliary drain is an internal-external drain. However, my sense is that with a very soft catheder, the drain is not effective in getting bile to the duodenum--it seems it is all draining outside. 

Yet I am encouraged. I am alive today and thankful for the gift of each moment of life. In looking back, I see God has granted numerous miracles of life in these last two months--the duodenal stent, the biliary drain, and saving me from what a doctor said was a very high-risk situation with sepsis. 

Like Peter walking on the water, it is a surreal situation. I am alive by a miracle. I am grateful. And I am in the hands of my Lord and Savior. There is no better place to be. I will continue to walk forward in the miracle of God, trusting him for each step. I cry to him to save me, and he has and is saving me and will continue to work out his will and salvation in my life. 

May each of you take courage in the love of God shown us in Jesus. 

Blessings and love, 

Tim

January 22, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 22, 2021

Dear friends,

Thank you to all of you praying for me today. After a rough day yesterday with a highly irritated GI tract from all the antibiotics I am taking, I had a dramatically more peaceful day today. Thank you, each one of you holding me up in prayer. God is faithful and hears your prayers. I was encouraged by promises shared from Psalm 23, 27, 103, and 116, Ephesians 3, and 2 Samuel 7. 

Blessings and love,

Timothy Hagen

January 20, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 20, 2021

Dear friends,

After ten days in the hospital recovering from sepsis (blood infection), I am grateful to be back home with family again. It seems like a very long ten days, but I am grateful for the daily miracles God provided. 

Blessings and love,

Timothy Hagen

January 13, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 13, 2021

Dear beloved friends, 

The promise my wife and I received this morning was "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24). It has been a blessed day. Yesterday was a better day too.

Early Tuesday morning I was transferred out of the ER to a quiet room in the cancer ward. What a blessing! I was told my status had been downgraded from needing to go to the Intermediate Care ward to the cancer ward for follow up on treating sepsis. 

Later I found that after my high fever on Monday night I was in track to go to Intensive Care. God was merciful and greatly improved my condition within hours that night. He may have also used my wife's special clear broth and fresh juices to help. 

I have been privileged to have Gerta as such a strong advocate for my care. She has been tirelessly researching the best nutrition to fight cancer, infection, and the bowel disorders caused by powerful antibiotics. She brings, fresh, research-based, customized meals and juices to the hospital for me several times a day--surpassing the nutritional services of world-class hospitals. 

After I had some moments of discouragement and self-pity yesterday, she encouraged me again to change the atmosphere in my room--to read and listen to scripture, to pray and sing praises to God, and to claim God's promises. God is faithful. He honors the prayers of his servants. When we focus on Him, not on ourselves, we have hope. 

Being in a hospital can be exhausting. The physical discomforts, the heart monitors, the IV's, the alarms, lights, voices, vital sign checkups, consultations, and even the extra time needed to do simple things of feeding and taking care of hygiene leave little time for sleep. I was running on 2-4 hours sleep each 24 hour cycle for the first several days. Last night God gave the gracious gift of better sleep. I am thankful.

I had not seriously thought of requesting visits from hospital chaplains before. But I have found this to be a great blessing. I enjoy the fellowship with a pastor, priest, or elder in Christ, of sharing the story that God is writing in our lives, of recalling and affirming His promises in his Word, of praying together. I am grateful for the awesome privilege of receiving the gifts of forgiveness and life in Communion and the promise of healing and forgiveness in James 5:14-15 when anointed and prayed for by the elders of the Church. 

I continue to be humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude for the many around the world praying (and even fasting) for healing for me. Thank you so much! Thank you, too for those who have given so generously of their resources to help cover the costs of care and daily necessities, including all those cancer-fighting foods!

This is not an easy road. Yet I trust that God will work it into one thread in the beautiful tapestry he is creating day-by-day in each of our lives around the world as He promises in Romans 8:28.

On an interesting side note (skip this if you don't like graphic medical descriptions): Most of us don't get to observe the color and consistency of bile throughout the day. It really varies greatly, from dark green to pale green to golden brown and tan. Textures range from almost clear to thick like pureed spinach to thin with clotted material like egg-drop soup. I had beet juice this morning and it turned bright red! Sometimes the tubing gets blocked and the nurse or I have to inject saline to unclog it. If I haven't drunk much liquid, there is very little bile discharge. Being well hydrated helps the bile to flow faster and clearer. 

It has indeed been a day of many blessings and much learning.

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).

Amen.

January 11, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 11, 2021

Dear friends,

I had more pancreatic treatment adventures yesterday and today. After being discharged from the observation time following the biliary drain catheder placement, I to go home on Saturday and enjoyed a quiet evening with my family. I woke Sunday morning with uncontrollable shaking and the onset of fever. We went immediately to the ER, where I was diagnosed with a blood system infection with multiple types of bacteria and yeasts typically found in the biliary tree. 

I am on antibiotics and anti fungals to treat them while the cultures will be tested over coming days to find the most effective antibiotics for those particular bacteria. 

I had the biliary drain replacement procedure today to upsize it and see if a new drain could reduce infection. However, I woke from the procedure with violent shivering and the onset of fever again. The fever is now under control and I look forward to trying a few clear liquid bother and juices after being on an almost complete prohibition on any food or drink since Sunday morning.

Thank you all who are praying around the world for me! May God hear your prayers and strengthen and encourage your hearts. I am deeply touched by your love. I came to tears by dear friends sending their home recorded song of God's love. 

God is good. The hospital is near capacity and I have been in the ER for my stay. But the room is one of the nicest in the ER. I am grateful for signs and reminders of God's love and mercy. May God bless all the medical staff working to their maximum. May God bless the patients in this full hospital. May God bring healing and peace to each one in their individual stories. May God bless each of you reading this. Thank you for your love and prayers. 

Much love, 

Timothy

January 10, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 10, 2021

I was discharged yesterday after 24 hours post-op monitoring. It was great to be home. This morning I woke up with shaking and the onset of fever. Now back in ER for an infection, likely from the biliary drain work. Thanks for praying. God is good and my hope is in him! 

January 8, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 8, 2021

Dear friends,

I had an external bile drain placed today to relieve my liver and gall bladder after the tumor closed by bile duct. I am now in the hospital overnight for recovery. God is good. I have drained lots of bile (3.3 liters in half a day!) and seen improvement in my condition over the evening after getting out of surgery earlier in the day. I am grateful for this life-saving intervention and for obvious improvement.

Thank you for your ongoing love and support!

Blessings and love,

Tim

January 8, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 8, 2021

Transdermal biliary drain--that's the adventure scheduled for today at Johns Hopkins. My bile duct had been squeezed shut by the tumor and the gallbladder has become distended from the backup. I am a bit jaundiced so am now going into surgery shortly. I am grateful for your prayers! 

Blessings and love,

Tim

January 7, 2021

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — January 7, 2021

Dear friends,

A happy and blessed New Year to each one of you. May this year be one of flourishing and blessing for you and your families. 

Two words come to mind today: Praise and grace. God promises to inhabit the praises of his people. As we praise God, we enter his presence and invite him to be with us. He is good and brings joy and life. 

Grace. I am overwhelmed by the amazing love of God and of all the people around the world who are extending love to me and my family. I can never pay back those debts. So many are praying. So many are reaching out. Thank you, each one. May God bless you. I trust God will work this adventure out for his glory and your good. Be faithful to the calling and task he has given you, whatever that may be. And when we are tired and weary, Jesus is our Sabbath rest. We can rest in him, in his love.

May the peace of God be with each one of you. 

Love and blessings,

Tim

December 28, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 28, 2020

I hope that you have been enjoying time with family this Christmas and New Year’s season.

I am grateful to have had time to spend with family. It has been good for the heart.

You are due some updates on the pancreatic cancer situation. My last labs were on 22 December and showed further increases in liver indicators from the constricted biliary duct. I was not yet scheduled for a gall bladder or biliary duct drain. I am told I look rather yellow these days.

My weight loss that had progressed through last week has now stabilized about 20 lbs/10kg below my normal weight. I am grateful for that answer to prayer.

While energy levels are down, I am grateful to have energy for walks when the weather is good!

Medical visits and consultations will pick up again in January. I will provide more medical updates once things are clearer from that side. I am looking into some second opinions and continuing to read up on various treatment approaches. Chemo is the standard of care, but some of the stories I come across are horrific, while the outcome statistics are not very encouraging. On the other hand, while many survivors do tell stories of following combined chemo and nutritional/holistic approaches, there are not yet large clinical trials to support those approaches. Again, when we look at the literature and numbers, I need God's miracle: he is my discharge plan. At the same time, he created doctors, researchers, and nutritionists and endowed them with wisdom and insights; thus I do ask for your prayers for clarity and wisdom in the right path forward in the face of dim medical prospects and the many voices for and against various options. And I do appreciate your ongoing prayers for God's good, gracious, and perfect will to be done and for his gift of life and healing. 

In the more meditative side, I have enjoyed reading the book, Ten Hours to Live, by Brian Wills. It tells the story of the author’s experience of healing and claiming God’s promises and praising him in the face of what medicine saw as a terminal illness. Medicine sees the cancer I was diagnosed with as terminal. I surrender to God in this—if it is time for me to go, I surrender to his will and trust my family into his hands. However, I know he is able to heal and have received many words from praying people around the world that God will heal me. I am experiencing his miracle of daily life. I look forward to seeing his ongoing miraculous work in my life and in those of all who call on his name.

I like the statement of faith from Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s Hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” They knew that God could deliver them, but did not make their obedience and trust in God conditional upon that.

I also was encouraged this past week hearing the story of my own grandfather’s miraculous healing. He was teaching English overseas, but was evacuated because of health concerns and critically low heart rate. Before the evacuation, he was given the promise: “But for you who revere my name, the sun or righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall” (Malachi 4:2). Once evacuation was complete, he was tested on a treadmill and all indicators were normal. I am grateful and encouraged by God’s promise and healing for him!

I am also encouraged by the story of Christmas. At Christmas, God came down to us. Instead of just snapping his fingers and making all suffering—and maybe even all this fallen world, including us, disappear—he, though his Son, was incarnate as a baby. Emmanuel means “God with us.” At Christmas, God, through his Son, became man and through his incarnation as man, he faced temptation, overcame it, inaugurated the Kingdom of Heaven, and purchased us from sin, death, and the devil by the blood of Jesus on the cross. He worked through his own rules of creation, not to annihilate everything, but to redeem the world. We have that promise of redemption. We ask in the Lord’s Prayer that the fullness of his Kingdom will come now in our lives and in the world around us—the healing of his touch, the forgiveness of sins, reconciliation, peace, and the justice and mercy of his rule. I say Amen to that.

Thank you again for each one praying for me. Thank you for all who have sent encouraging notes and emails. Thank you too, for those who have given financial support for the costs of living and pursuing treatment here (note, gifts to/via CaringBridge do NOT go to patients; if you would like to make a contribution, they can be given via https://paypal.me/pools/c/8uUFliStlQ). I am also so grateful for those who gave Christmas presents for the kids and the many other ways you have encouraged us. I am truly blessed by your love and support.

May each one of you be blessed this Christmas season and into the new year.

Blessings and love,

Tim

December 18, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 18, 2020

Dear friends,

It has been some time since I updated you. This has been a blessed last week of spending time with family and regaining appetite and strength. After being discharged from my hospital stay last week, I had to work on a smoothie/liquid diet at first to make sure there were no complications with the stent. I still chop my food pretty small to make sure nothing gets stuck. Also, for several days it was painful to eat as the GI tract was still irritated from all the endoscopic work and acids from the lead-up to the hospital stay and the time in the hospital. Thankfully most of that irritation is now gone and I can eat more comfortably. 

It has been a blessing to stay with family and I am grateful for the generosity of friends who made it possible to stay near the medical center at Hershey! 

I had bloodwork and a follow-up CT scan this week that show a concerning rise in liver indicators and that the bile duct appears to be blocked by the tumor as it passes through the pancreas. As previous attempts to place a stent in the bile duct have not worked, we may need to take a more invasive approach to open it up. I appreciate continued prayer that the tumor would shrink and the bile duct and other ducts and vessels would be released to work properly. 

My weight has declined quite a bit from a month ago, between fasting much of the previous week to decreased ability to digest and process food with much of the pancreas out of commission and the bile duct being blocked. Do pray that I can gain the nutrition needed and rebuild strength to go through chemo and fight this cancer successfully. 

Chemo is planned to being the end of the month or early January, depending on a number of factors, including my strength and weight. 

Each day is a beautiful gift from God. I am grateful for this last week to recover and spend time with family. It has been a blessing to sing Advent hymns, read, and pray together as well. I look forward to celebrating Christmas in just a week! 

One interesting observation about this time is how different it is from what I thought. I had always imagined that if I were in a situation like this in which doctors said I only had about a year left to live that I would somehow churn out a number of brilliant, reflective books with all the insights and thoughts I had stored up over the years. Instead, I find myself occupied with the daily tasks of living and enjoying the sweet company of loved ones. I found I spent quite a bit of time this last week just working out mundane yet complicated issues like how to overcome the pain to eat meals or praying digestion would work or researching nutritional research and treatment alternatives for pancreatic cancer. Other moments are spent helping kids with schoolwork, making memories with my family, and in prayer. We had a snowstorm here this week and that made for great fun afterwards! 

My meditation and prayer today are from Psalm 103:1-5

1 Praise the Lord, my soul;

    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the Lord, my soul,

    and forget not all his benefits—

3 who forgives all your sins

    and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit

    and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things

    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

May God bless each of you in your journeys. I am grateful for your support and love in our joint journey together. May each of you enjoy the gift of life and love this Advent and Christmas season.  

December 10, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 10, 2020

Dear friends,

I have good news to share today. Yesterday evening I was discharged from my stay at the hospital and am delighted to be in a lovely house near Hershey with family. It is an amazing relief to be back with family after five days in a no-visitation ward. I am grateful for the duodenal stent working so I can eat and to be at home so I can eat healthy food. 

I will work these coming days to rebuild strength after the time in the hospital and prepare for chemotherapy. 

I am thankful to God for his mercy in this. 

Thank you, too, to all who have been interceding before our Heavenly Father for me. 

I am also greatful to the amazing people who have been supporting us in so many ways--from helping to find and provide housing near Hershey to helping with medical and living costs to good health references, encouraging notes, and even flowers at the front door this morning!

Thank you for your love. We are deeply grateful.

May each of your hearts be encouraged this Advent. God is good. In him we hope. 

Blessings and love,

Timothy Hagen

December 8, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 8, 2020

Thanks, friends, for your ongoing love and support. I was grateful to meet one of the staff here at the hospital who is friends with some of our children''s teachers in Albania. 

The NG tube is finally out. That is a huge relief. The duodenal stent is holding up well. I am on track to get discharged from this hospital stay in a day or two and am looking forward to being back with family soon. 

The next steps are rebuilding strength after being off food for about six days and then starting chemotherapy.

I am grateful to God for his blessings and grace in this time. Thanks for praying!

December 7, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 7, 2020

I write to share updates from today. First, I am so grateful to all of you who have been supporting me and my family in this adventure.
My recent hospital visit was perhaps caused by after effects of anesthesia and/or a duodenum constricted by the tumor. 
I had an NG tube inserted into my nose down to the stomach to empty the stomach from material backed up by the constricted duodenum. NG tube insertion is no fun. But this should also prep me for a duodenal stent insertion scheduled for later in the day. Having a stent in the duodenum should keep it open so I can take get the nutrition I need. I was initially told I would have an NJ feeding tube placed to bypass the duodenum and constriction. But that would limit my diet to those special ly formulated for feeding tubes. A stent will allow more control over diet, so I can try to follow up on the many helpful anti-cancer dietary recommendations some of you are sharing. 
Thank you again for your support and intercession before God in this journey.
Blessings and love,
Tim

December 6, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 6, 2020

Dear friends and family,

Updates for today: I was diagnosed with aspiration pneumonia caused by the vomiting on Friday. I am now on antibiotics for that and was advised to consider feeding tubes if the duodenum does not unblock. Please do join me in claiming Psalm 91:14-16 and that God will heal me of the pneumonia, the cancer, and enable to eat without a feeding tube, and ultimately, that God's will be done in this and he will be glorified. 

I like that a nurse who likely knows I follow Jesus (I was asked my religious preferences in enrollment) wrote Psalm 91:14-16 on the Discharge Plan on my patient chart in my room. With pancreatic cancer, a miracle is needed. 

Blessings to each one of you.

Thanks for all the encouraging messages in facebook, by email, and on the PayPal donation page. I am deeply touched! As a practical reminder, know that donations to Caringbrdge do not go to patients, only to the platform. If you wish to contribute to the costs of this journey, you can visit https://paypal.me/pools/c/8uUFliStlQ

December 6, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 6, 2020

I was given encouraging words this morning after a restless night. 

Psalm 91:14-16: 

Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.

Psalm 91:14‭-‬16 NRSV

Psalm 118:17

I shall not die, but I shall live, and recount the deeds of the Lord .

Psalms 118:17 NRSV

Isaiah 40:31

But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. I Isaiah 40:31 NRSV 

Thank you, God, for your promises. I wait on you!

December 5, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 5, 2020

On 3 December I had a chemotherapy port surgically inserted under my skin to facilitate chemotherapy infusions. I seem to have reacted poorly to the anesthesia or some other factor. On 4 December I went to the emergency room because of ongoing vomiting. I am now in the cancer ward at Hershey Medical Center looking to recover from the stomach problems and be healthy enough to start eating and undergo chemotherapy.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. I am greatly encouraged by your notes of appreciation and support via various forums.

May God bless each one of you.

Contributions update

Journal Entry by Karis Hagen — December 5, 202

Friends, I was informed that no further contributions were allowed for the first paypal fund, so I closed that one and started a second fund for further contributions. Thank you all for your immense generosity. Here is the new link: https://paypal.me/pools/c/8uUFliStlQ

December 4, 2020

Journal Entry by Karis Hagen — December 4, 2020

This is Karis updating for Tim today. I'm going to be rather blunt about his physical condition, so please be forewarned as you read.

It has been a rough day with several discouragements, but first of all I wanted to say thank you all for your prayers and amazing responses of both donations and thoughtful words of encouragement. 

The short version is that Tim has now been admitted to the oncology floor at Hershey after a long day in the ER. If you are up for the slightly longer version, keep reading.

Tim had a port placed surgically yesterday so that he will be able to receive chemotherapy treatments, with the intent of entering an intense clinical trial. Unfortunately it was a very long day with many delays before the surgery could commence, and a long recovery. It was hindered by his not receiving any fluids, and having had to fast since the night before. He was able to come home with us late Thursday night, but was unable to sleep due to discomfort. Today he asked for prayer, as he was in extreme discomfort from his stomach not passing anything through the duodenum and on into his intestinal system. 

Vomiting alleviated some of the pressure and rid him of the undigested food hospital staff had tried to feed him, but his stomach has remained full feeling despite no food beyond juice, water, and some rehydration fluid. 

To be honest, Tim looks decidedly more gaunt after only two weeks in the US. He was thin when he arrived, but has been on a mostly pureed, non-fat, low sugar diet, or just liquid. He has lost significant weight with his stomach not passing food past the duodenum. Each Sunday it has released some after significant prayer, and he has been able to eat a bit, but then it has tightened back up during the week.

But back to today's events. We took him to the Hershey Emergency Room on the advice of the Oncology department around noon, because he was faint, seeing flashes of light, and vomiting. Only he was admitted, as per protocol, but he was not given much care. Gerta had to argue with the nurses until they finally gave him a half liter of IV fluid two hours after arrival and then again three hours after that. (I understand they were swamped, but I am used to a higher standard of care and more responsiveness in the ER.) Blood work and x-rays were done, and another Covid test (he had one yesterday before surgery). Eight hours after admission to the ER Timothy was admitted by the Oncology department, where he faced yet another Covid test. We had hoped that would mean he would be permitted a visitor, but the Oncology floor is closed to all visitors. 

We know that many are walking this road now in not being able to see family during health crises, but it is still difficult to not be able to be there and accompany him through this in person. We don't know the course of the next 24hrs, but we are hopeful that they will be able to give Tim sufficient IV fluids and nutrients that he will be able to revive, and also figure out a way forward. He needs to be able to eat or take in sufficient nutrients to keep alive, not lose further weight, and strengthen his immune system so that he can even handle treatments. 

So it has been a rough day, but Tim is in the Lord's hands. We trust in a God who is faithful and true, and while God does not promise a relief from all our troubles, he does promise to walk through them with us. He is still our ever-present help in times of trouble, and our deliverer. Please continue to pray for wisdom for the doctors, wisdom for all of us on the caregiving side, rest for Tim, Gerta, and the kids, and most of all the peace of the Lord as we seeking healing and life. 

God's peace be with you all,

- Karis 

(Tim's sister/next in line sibling)

December 3, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 2, 202

I finally have a moment to share news with you after a long day of tests and consultations and debriefing. The biopsy and CT scan confirmed Stage III advance localized adenocarcinoma. In other words, this is a highly advanced pancreatic cancer that does not appear to have spread to other parts of the body. We were informed that the average life expectancy for individuals with this stage and type of cancer is about one year.  The tumor is too entwined with major blood vessels to be surgically removed at the moment. I was recommended aggressive chemotherapy. Chemotherapy seems to be the first-line medical treatment at the moment, even though the rate of positive effects from chemotherapy treatments is relatively small and side effects are likely severe

Thanks for standing with us in this.  We love you and are grateful for you

May God be glorified in this time. He is ultimately our only hope

"Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live'" (John 11:25)

A clarifying note on donations: Thank you those of you who have given to support us in medical and other logistical expenses at this time. Donations through the paypal account at https://paypal.me/pools/c/8uoe7UJs8z (also in the "Ways to Give" link) help in that way. Donations to CaringBridge go to the web platform, not to those purposes.

Contributions

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 1, 2020

Some of you have been asking how to donate to help towards medical and other expenses of having come to the US for treatment. Karis Hagen opened a Paypal fundraiser page at https://paypal.me/pools/c/8uoe7UJs8z. FYI: Note that donations to Caringbridge go to the platform, not to individuals on medical stories like the one I am on.

Thanks to all of you who have helped out! 

December 1, 2020

Journal Entry by Timothy Hagen — December 1, 2020

Dear friends and family,

This has been an unexpected adventure, a time of growing, and a time of faith. On 1 September 2020, I noticed a distinct difficulty in digesting a celebratory feast. For the next two months I found it hard to sleep due to what seemed to be indigestion. Finally, on 13 November 2020, I saw our family doctor in Tirana and was given a prescription for antacids and an abdominal ultrasound. Thankfully, I was able to find a private ultrasound provider nearby. However, the results were concerning: a 3-4 cm tumor on my pancreas. I was immediately referred to get an MRI and some initial bloodwork, which I had on 16 November 2020. 

The radiologist who reviewed the MRI recommended I return to the US in "days or a most weeks, but not a month" to follow up on what was confirmed to be approximately a 4-cm diameter tumor on the pancreas. Canvassing other high-level medical contacts in Albania suggested that this was a wise course of action. The tumor was pressing on the duodenum, which explained the difficulty in digesting. A secondary lesion in the liver also hinted at possible metastasis. 

I was able to fly to the US on 19 November and in the following week was able to undergo an endoscopic biopsy of both the liver lesion and the pancreatic tumor for analysis. I am waiting to hear results tomorrow, 02 December, when I am also scheduled for a CT scan and consultations with oncologists. 

I am thankful to God and the amazing blessing of family, friends, acquaintances, and even people I do not know who have supported us in this challenging time. My health insurance in Albania did not cover this type of emergency international travel, so I am grateful to all who have contributed to make this emergency travel and medical visits in the US a possibility through their generous, sacrificial support.

I am also grateful to all who are praying.  Doctors who see the scans, the tumor size, and the elongated biliary duct are surprised that I am not bright yellow with jaundice from what would normally be a blocked biliary duct with tumors of this size and positioning. The absence of jaundice to date is a miracle and answer to prayer. Eating is challenging, given the pressure on the duodenum. I eat pureed foods. Even, then, it feels like my stomach gets full but that access to the ongoing digestive tract is blocked. I understand the stomach only absorbs water and alcohol, and that all other nutrients need to pass on to the small intestine to be absorbed into the body. Thus the highly constricted duodenum limits the ability of food to exit the stomach to the small intestine and for me to access the nutrients from the food I eat. However, after prayer, often in the wee hours of the morning, I have often felt a release and have felt the food moving on to the intestines. This opening of the duodenum to allow food to pass was particularly evident early in the morning these past two Sundays, when I knew congregations around the world and especially in Albania were praying for me. Each answered prayer, each digested meal, is a glorious victory.

A pancreatic cancer diagnosis is not yet confirmed, but the signs thus far suggest that the tumor on the ultrasound and MRI could be pancreatic cancer. The literature on pancreatic cancer is discouraging. According to literature, the chance of survival is very low and the months left to live are few. I am sure of the life won by Jesus, that should I perish in this body, I will be with him in the resurrection forever. Yet the literature is distressing when I have a young family to care for and support. I do trust my family into the hands of God. At the same time, I ask my Heavenly Father and invite you to join me in praying that God would be gracious and spare my life, that I may be allowed to continue to serve my family and the many dear people God has put in my life to serve.  I pray the promise in Psalm 118:17: "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD." 

Thank you, dear ones, for your prayers and support. May God be glorified in this journey. I look forward to keeping you posted. 

Faithfully yours,

Timothy Hagen